"Well, it's not a fixie yet."

"I think the beer I drink is a reflection of my personality. Too bad there isn't one called "World's Most Awesome Hipster."

"Girl Talk ain't got shit on my MGMT/Ted Nugent mash-up."

After unsuccessfully trying to market their band "The Streatise" as an indie-folk band, Randy realized they could make far more money playing Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" repeatedly.

"Now that you mention it, I s'pose the moustache is the result of inbreeding."

"What the shit! Woman, you know the only beer I drink is Pabst Blue Ribbon!"

"Damn! Y'all couldn't have saved me a Sparks while I was line-dance texting?!"

Jasper looked on with increasing jealousy, wondering why he didn't think of the ingenious duct tape/nylon rope carrying apparatus.

"The baby hates my smokin' but takes well to the drinkin, I suppose. Can't win 'em all!"

"Don't worry, y'all. He only yells at me 'cuz he loves me. And 'cuz I keep dressin' like him."

"No I don't know who "Duran Duran" is, but it sounds like one of 'dem terrah-ists. This shirt jus' matched my glasses."

"Those damn kids with their 'lectronic music stole my mustache, so I dun' stole their cut-off shorts and made 'em gayer. Let's see yer irony now, punks."

"I know our kid gon' love beer n' Chee-toes, I just hope he don't got yer googly eyes."

"Y'all don't even know how much coke yous gots to do to climb Mt. Mafia. Shiiiiit, I seen things y'all can't even imagine."